I wish I had done something special-at least worth writing and reading. I tried to think of some good time during the 4 days; I think there should be some though.
I was wondering whether I should go to the night club on Wednesday with other ELI students, but I was also worrying that it would be dangerous to walk alone at night when I came back in the midnight. Then perfectly, God made a decision for me. As I was hesitating, I felt so sick and I took my temperature; it was 37.3-not too bad though. I knew it might be caused by the infection of the gum, as I still felt some chest pain, I was a bit worried; I hated fever. I tried to talk to my host family and I hoped I could get some help, like advice of hospitals-at least some warm words, but it seems that I was a thing, not a human being. They didn't actually pay any attention to how I felt. I remember that they said 39 is fever, and 37.3 is totally normal. Oh my god, I know how I feel better than any so-called scientific definition...
Until that moment I hadn't truly realized that I was on my own here, so far from home, from Japan, from anything familiar. Tears started to sting the backs of my eyes; not because of the fever or anything I have been physically suffering from, but because I was starting to feel lonely. I have been away from my family for six years already and I sometimes really wish I could still be a little child having more easy times.
I didn't want anyone there to notice my weakness; I used all the strength I had at that time to fight with my lips in order to lift a bright smile," Well, I think I am just too tired and maybe I will get better after a good sleep." I did smile and I was sure I didn't look sick when I was smiling, but I really wished I could be sleeping for ever.
Thinking of my little pet parakeet survived two winters without enough plumage to cover the tiny body, I know I should always recompose myself when I am not feeling well. I went out for a walk on Friday although I was not willing to. The green trees and sunshine can sometimes make me feel that there is hope. I loved to be warmed there, and everything seemed so nice again. I saw the most beautiful scenery- nine tiny baby ducks walking after an adult duck:) ; they swam in the lake and lay on the grass in the sun to dry themselves, and then they got too hot, so the baby ducks moved to the shadow of a small stone to feel cooler. I kept counting the little baby ducks when they are trying to move a long way to make sure they were with the adult duck. They were so lively.
Rainbows always come after the rain, so why not just wait until the rainbows show up? I walked a long way, and felt comfortable.
Monday, 27 June 2011
Saturday, 18 June 2011
a peaceful moment
I went to TOEIC workshop Friday morning, and we had a reading test. Last September, I took my first official TOEIC test in Japan
The feeling at that time was just like a piece of glass which could be easily broken. During lunch break, I walked through the crowd, and got out of ELI building to enjoy the beautiful weather. I was not sure where to go; I walked down the road, and came to a garden. Everything there was so peaceful-- no noise, not many people, enough fresh air, and also there were fish swimming freely in the pure, clean water.
I walked to a tea ceremony Japanese-style room, remembering that funny time when I was taking a tea ceremony course in my Japanese university, I nearly fell down to the tatami when I was trying to sit in a proper position before taking the Japanese teacup. I smiled, and realized that there were still some interesting moments in my life; I appreciate them very much. I sat down, and wanted to rest for a while; I didn't want the fragile but valuable moment to be destroyed too soon.
I sat on the bench, and I was feeling comfortable. I realized that I have been here for almost 2 months. Life here is better than I thought. Here, obviously, I have much more time to do things I like; I don’t need to spend my whole day serving in a restaurant any more, and I really enjoy studying here. I don’t need to pretend to be happy every day; I can say what I really feel because people here don’t parrot my words pretending to understand me or to be friendly; they are real and well worth trusting.
Although dark time always comes, I think I will become more able to overcome them than before, which delights me a lot.
I like here also because I don’t need to think about the word “identity” all the time. I like the way people here call us. Instead of saying “foreign students”, they say “international students”; it makes me feel that we are actually from the same Earth, and we are all human beings—the same kind. We share a lot of things in common.
It was a nice day, and I enjoyed the peace in my mind.
I looked at the green leaves in the sunshine, and they seemed lively and energetic. Everything was so peaceful and I liked it.
Suddenly, some noise destroyed the peace, and I felt so painful and helpless…
The feeling at that time was just like a piece of glass which could be easily broken. During lunch break, I walked through the crowd, and got out of ELI building to enjoy the beautiful weather. I was not sure where to go; I walked down the road, and came to a garden. Everything there was so peaceful-- no noise, not many people, enough fresh air, and also there were fish swimming freely in the pure, clean water.
I walked to a tea ceremony Japanese-style room, remembering that funny time when I was taking a tea ceremony course in my Japanese university, I nearly fell down to the tatami when I was trying to sit in a proper position before taking the Japanese teacup. I smiled, and realized that there were still some interesting moments in my life; I appreciate them very much. I sat down, and wanted to rest for a while; I didn't want the fragile but valuable moment to be destroyed too soon.
I sat on the bench, and I was feeling comfortable. I realized that I have been here for almost 2 months. Life here is better than I thought. Here, obviously, I have much more time to do things I like; I don’t need to spend my whole day serving in a restaurant any more, and I really enjoy studying here. I don’t need to pretend to be happy every day; I can say what I really feel because people here don’t parrot my words pretending to understand me or to be friendly; they are real and well worth trusting.
Although dark time always comes, I think I will become more able to overcome them than before, which delights me a lot.
I like here also because I don’t need to think about the word “identity” all the time. I like the way people here call us. Instead of saying “foreign students”, they say “international students”; it makes me feel that we are actually from the same Earth, and we are all human beings—the same kind. We share a lot of things in common.
It was a nice day, and I enjoyed the peace in my mind.
I looked at the green leaves in the sunshine, and they seemed lively and energetic. Everything was so peaceful and I liked it.
Suddenly, some noise destroyed the peace, and I felt so painful and helpless…
Thursday, 16 June 2011
Things help study a test.
Is there anyone who enjoys a test? Well, very few, I think. However, we usually enjoy the feeling of finishing a test because we consider it an accomplishment. Everyone wants to do well in the test, but the result is not always important- it's important that how much we studied for it, I mean the process.
Except short essays in TOEFL test, it's my first time to have an essay test- a little bit worried:(
1-The most important thing to do before a test is to get relaxed. Brain works well only when we feel relaxed.
2-We can review the handouts we did this week- For me, I think they are really helpful-Not only the exercises, but also the explanations.
3-I think we shouldn't stay up too late. If we sleep too little, we would feel tired, and brain wouldn't work well during the test, either.
4-If we have time, we can try to write one or two essays before we go to a test.
5-Don't drink vodka on Sunday evening:) -we would have a hangover the next day, if we drink too much. That's terrible.
Ok, that's all for things to do before a test. Sorry, I think I should have thought more to help us, but I think if we five things above, we won't do too bad in the test. Good luck to every one of us:)
Except short essays in TOEFL test, it's my first time to have an essay test- a little bit worried:(
1-The most important thing to do before a test is to get relaxed. Brain works well only when we feel relaxed.
2-We can review the handouts we did this week- For me, I think they are really helpful-Not only the exercises, but also the explanations.
3-I think we shouldn't stay up too late. If we sleep too little, we would feel tired, and brain wouldn't work well during the test, either.
4-If we have time, we can try to write one or two essays before we go to a test.
5-Don't drink vodka on Sunday evening:) -we would have a hangover the next day, if we drink too much. That's terrible.
Ok, that's all for things to do before a test. Sorry, I think I should have thought more to help us, but I think if we five things above, we won't do too bad in the test. Good luck to every one of us:)
Saturday, 11 June 2011
Twenty Winters in my life.
That was one freezing day in a girls' dormitary; after having been staying in a small room for 3 seasons, I realised that it was winter again, and I sighed," Why I feel so tired although I am only 17?" I read the prayer on the wall hoping to get some energy, and I was looking forward to some day when I can get out of this tiring world with a smile.
I was born in China and also raised in China. Although it seems so far away from me now, I can still remember it was a small city in Southeast China near Yangzi River. I went to a professional elementary school for shogi one year earlier than normal school age. I started to learn go there. Unlike other children, I had almost no childhood. I used to sit at a table for 3 hours just for one single go game. Except this, I also went to classes for sketching, calligraphy and violin. I had no spare time to play with my friends. While other children were playing on the huge playground, luckily I had a bit achievement in playing go and also in calligraphy. I won the first prize in the girls' team of the whole province, which pleased my family a lot. I won a national prize for calligraphy as well; and my family said they are proud of me. I smiled, but I was thinking," Am I really happy?"
When I was in junior high school, I focused on schoolwork, and I went to cram school after school, and did homework for most of my free time. Luckily again, I got the highest score for high school entrance exams in my school and I managed to enter the best one in my province, which is in another city far from my home city.
I can still remember how somesick I was at that time. That was 3 hours by train from my home city. A few days after my 15 year-old birthday, I was so upset on the way to the boarding school; I realised that I have to be independent from then on. At that school, I did nothing but study hard every day...
In the second term of the year, I was selected by the school to go to study in a Japanese high school. I was 15, and I started a long journey. I said goodbye to my country, and was put in a Christian high school. There, we had rules for everything; for example, we used to go to a roll-call every morning at 6:10; we had to make our bed extremely neatly before we go to school every day; boys and girls shouldn't talk too much or even walk too closely; no TV or laptop, no DVD player or even no magazine were allowed in the dorms; and we could only use cell phones for 2hours one day. Besides, we could only get outside of school once every 2 weeks, and just for convenience store which is 4kilos away from school. If we made any mistakes or broke the rules, we would be ordered to stay in for weeks as punishment. As a result, I lost all the passion a teenager should have. As there was nothing for entertainment, I used to practise talking with my Japanese friends in Japanese there, and I was "abandoned" by my only 4 Chinese friends(we were from the same Chinese school), ironically. They ignored me and said that I talked with Japanese friends too much. But why it was bad? At that time, we needed to get used to Japanese culture, I think. I felt so lonely. I thought that if I could do everything perfectly, then I could be accepted by others. I started to pay too much attention on every word I said to others and what others said, because I didn't want to lose friends any more.
I started to think every thing I had done to exame whether there was anything against the school rules, because I didn't want to be punished or dimissed from school. I found that I couldn't focus on my study any more. With great pressure, I was gradually destroyed.
But I managed to talk freely in Japanese within only 1 year. I realised that I got some psychological problems then. I rested in China for 9 months; nothing changed but went worse.
I went back to Japan again because of the expiration of the visa. If I didn't go back to Japan at that time, I could have never returned to finish my high school study and entered Japanese university there. I held my breath till I finished high school; Life then was like in a hell, and it almost killed me.
Fortunately, I managed to get in a university in Japan. I wished everything could get better in a university because there were not many school rules any more. I thought spring finally would come. Although I got some scholorship in high school, my family couldn't surport me like before any more. For 2 years, I didn't even have a good sleep. I did two part time jobs at one time as well as school work in the daytime and homework at midnight. I lived alone in a one-room apartment, and also cooked every night. As I knew if I got straight As for 2 years, then I could apply for getting scholorship for studying in an English-speaking country for a year, I studied really hard and didn't even skip a single class. I was so lucky to be chosed to come here, Canada.
Now I am no longer a teenager, I remember as I was told that everything would get better again when I grew up. It seems that I got everything that I wanted, however, I lost the most important energy for me to live on. "No pain, no gain?" I sometimes just think like this when life is too difficult. But if I could choose, I wish I could still choose this "endless" journey with no regret. Everything I thought I had achieved seems so pathetic and it's been fading away gradually if I don't hurry to get some back when I still have time. Sometimes, I just need to think that spring also comes while suffering from a freezingly cold winter--try to think positively; My desire to enjoy the world is like asparagus after a storm. Even if it may be destroyed, I would like to go on my way.
I was born in China and also raised in China. Although it seems so far away from me now, I can still remember it was a small city in Southeast China near Yangzi River. I went to a professional elementary school for shogi one year earlier than normal school age. I started to learn go there. Unlike other children, I had almost no childhood. I used to sit at a table for 3 hours just for one single go game. Except this, I also went to classes for sketching, calligraphy and violin. I had no spare time to play with my friends. While other children were playing on the huge playground, luckily I had a bit achievement in playing go and also in calligraphy. I won the first prize in the girls' team of the whole province, which pleased my family a lot. I won a national prize for calligraphy as well; and my family said they are proud of me. I smiled, but I was thinking," Am I really happy?"
When I was in junior high school, I focused on schoolwork, and I went to cram school after school, and did homework for most of my free time. Luckily again, I got the highest score for high school entrance exams in my school and I managed to enter the best one in my province, which is in another city far from my home city.
I can still remember how somesick I was at that time. That was 3 hours by train from my home city. A few days after my 15 year-old birthday, I was so upset on the way to the boarding school; I realised that I have to be independent from then on. At that school, I did nothing but study hard every day...
In the second term of the year, I was selected by the school to go to study in a Japanese high school. I was 15, and I started a long journey. I said goodbye to my country, and was put in a Christian high school. There, we had rules for everything; for example, we used to go to a roll-call every morning at 6:10; we had to make our bed extremely neatly before we go to school every day; boys and girls shouldn't talk too much or even walk too closely; no TV or laptop, no DVD player or even no magazine were allowed in the dorms; and we could only use cell phones for 2hours one day. Besides, we could only get outside of school once every 2 weeks, and just for convenience store which is 4kilos away from school. If we made any mistakes or broke the rules, we would be ordered to stay in for weeks as punishment. As a result, I lost all the passion a teenager should have. As there was nothing for entertainment, I used to practise talking with my Japanese friends in Japanese there, and I was "abandoned" by my only 4 Chinese friends(we were from the same Chinese school), ironically. They ignored me and said that I talked with Japanese friends too much. But why it was bad? At that time, we needed to get used to Japanese culture, I think. I felt so lonely. I thought that if I could do everything perfectly, then I could be accepted by others. I started to pay too much attention on every word I said to others and what others said, because I didn't want to lose friends any more.
I started to think every thing I had done to exame whether there was anything against the school rules, because I didn't want to be punished or dimissed from school. I found that I couldn't focus on my study any more. With great pressure, I was gradually destroyed.
But I managed to talk freely in Japanese within only 1 year. I realised that I got some psychological problems then. I rested in China for 9 months; nothing changed but went worse.
I went back to Japan again because of the expiration of the visa. If I didn't go back to Japan at that time, I could have never returned to finish my high school study and entered Japanese university there. I held my breath till I finished high school; Life then was like in a hell, and it almost killed me.
Fortunately, I managed to get in a university in Japan. I wished everything could get better in a university because there were not many school rules any more. I thought spring finally would come. Although I got some scholorship in high school, my family couldn't surport me like before any more. For 2 years, I didn't even have a good sleep. I did two part time jobs at one time as well as school work in the daytime and homework at midnight. I lived alone in a one-room apartment, and also cooked every night. As I knew if I got straight As for 2 years, then I could apply for getting scholorship for studying in an English-speaking country for a year, I studied really hard and didn't even skip a single class. I was so lucky to be chosed to come here, Canada.
Now I am no longer a teenager, I remember as I was told that everything would get better again when I grew up. It seems that I got everything that I wanted, however, I lost the most important energy for me to live on. "No pain, no gain?" I sometimes just think like this when life is too difficult. But if I could choose, I wish I could still choose this "endless" journey with no regret. Everything I thought I had achieved seems so pathetic and it's been fading away gradually if I don't hurry to get some back when I still have time. Sometimes, I just need to think that spring also comes while suffering from a freezingly cold winter--try to think positively; My desire to enjoy the world is like asparagus after a storm. Even if it may be destroyed, I would like to go on my way.
Tuesday, 7 June 2011
Movie "Being there"( personal reaction)
It is an interesting movie, however, I think there is some deep meaning of the theme, which is difficult to understand. I enjoyed the movie very much, because Chance knows very little about the outside world, but everything he said can be explained in another way, which all makes great sense. I have been thinking why the title of the film is "being there" and always "television" there, but I haven't got an acceptable answer for myself yet. I think the film satirizes the country's politics. I looked something up in the dictionary. It says that " in the Bible, the first woman, who lived in the Garden og Eden with Adam, the first man". Even if Eve acted as if she really wanted to make love with Chance, I still don't think Eve really loves Chance. Eve just thinks that Chance talks "well", so she "loves" him. When Chance said "I like to watch (TV)", Eve was sexually insulted, I think. However, Eve didn't even feel this way. In my opinion, it indicates how silly Eve is, and also the politics, because Eve's hunsband Ben is also fond of Chance too, and Ben's family symbolize the upper class who have the power of the politics.
Also, the real gardener Chance told us a lot of deep things simply from the real garden( although he didn't realise what he said has many deep meanings.) ; the reason why he was named Chance in this movie is because if there is still some innocence( because he was very innocent in the movie), the world could have a chance to be better.
I like the last line of the movie "Life is a state of mind." It means that we can create what ever we like in our limited life. Every one has to die; the problem is that how we enjoy our life. Maybe we don't need to worry too much. No one is perfect in this world. It seems easy, but difficult to do.
Also, the real gardener Chance told us a lot of deep things simply from the real garden( although he didn't realise what he said has many deep meanings.) ; the reason why he was named Chance in this movie is because if there is still some innocence( because he was very innocent in the movie), the world could have a chance to be better.
I like the last line of the movie "Life is a state of mind." It means that we can create what ever we like in our limited life. Every one has to die; the problem is that how we enjoy our life. Maybe we don't need to worry too much. No one is perfect in this world. It seems easy, but difficult to do.
Saturday, 4 June 2011
a Comparison (Hills Like White Elephants & The Clod and the Pebble)
In this article, I am going to compare "The Clod and the Pebble" by William Blake with "Hills Like White Elephants" by Hemingway on the following four points.
1,themes
2,symbolism
3,God
4.types
First of all, obviously, the themes are both about love, and gives us great pictures of human nature. In "Clod &the Pebble", we can learn that love is not selfish, it is all about giving and not caring about what we receive; we can also learn 'love' is selfish and bind others just to please themselves, which is totally opposite to the other opinion. So, the theme is that love gives you pleasure and also it hurts. In "Hills Like White Elephants", Hemingway didn't as clearly as what William Blake showed us what love is. However, Hemingway described the story between the girl and the American man, from which we can find ourselves in it. In the story, the girl really loves the man, however, even if she tried very hard to keep their relationship going on, she finally gave up. So we can see even if it is a true love, we still have many difficult decisions to make and sometimes we have to give up keeping the relationship for some reasons.
Secondly, there is symbolism in both writings. In "the Clod &the pebble", "clod" symbolizes good person, and "pebble" symbolizes bad person. Because clod is made of dirt and malleable, and pebble is an irritating stone which causes pain if you walk on it. Also, in "Hills like White Elephants", there are symbols. For example, hills represent the fertility of a woman. In the last part of the story "He picked the two heavy bags and carried them around the station to the other tracks. He looked up the tracks but could not see the train", from which we can feel that the man probably also likes the girl, but he has no other choice but persuade her doing the abortion. The two heavy bag probably represents the abortion, which means the man is trying to help the girl. "he could not see the train" means he felt that even if the girl smiled at him, their relationship would come to an end very shortly.
Thirdly, from "The clod &the pebble", we can see that William Blake believes in God, because clod is made of dirt which is a part of the earth(nature and God), however, the pebble does not belong to the nature and God; the clod is the "good person", and the pebble is "the bad ones" or devil. In contrast, there seems no God in "Hills Like White Elephants".
Lastly, because "Clod &the pebble" is a poem, there is rhyme and alliteration in it. However, "Hills Like White Elephants" is a short story, so there is not any characteristics of poems in it.
1,themes
2,symbolism
3,God
4.types
First of all, obviously, the themes are both about love, and gives us great pictures of human nature. In "Clod &the Pebble", we can learn that love is not selfish, it is all about giving and not caring about what we receive; we can also learn 'love' is selfish and bind others just to please themselves, which is totally opposite to the other opinion. So, the theme is that love gives you pleasure and also it hurts. In "Hills Like White Elephants", Hemingway didn't as clearly as what William Blake showed us what love is. However, Hemingway described the story between the girl and the American man, from which we can find ourselves in it. In the story, the girl really loves the man, however, even if she tried very hard to keep their relationship going on, she finally gave up. So we can see even if it is a true love, we still have many difficult decisions to make and sometimes we have to give up keeping the relationship for some reasons.
Secondly, there is symbolism in both writings. In "the Clod &the pebble", "clod" symbolizes good person, and "pebble" symbolizes bad person. Because clod is made of dirt and malleable, and pebble is an irritating stone which causes pain if you walk on it. Also, in "Hills like White Elephants", there are symbols. For example, hills represent the fertility of a woman. In the last part of the story "He picked the two heavy bags and carried them around the station to the other tracks. He looked up the tracks but could not see the train", from which we can feel that the man probably also likes the girl, but he has no other choice but persuade her doing the abortion. The two heavy bag probably represents the abortion, which means the man is trying to help the girl. "he could not see the train" means he felt that even if the girl smiled at him, their relationship would come to an end very shortly.
Thirdly, from "The clod &the pebble", we can see that William Blake believes in God, because clod is made of dirt which is a part of the earth(nature and God), however, the pebble does not belong to the nature and God; the clod is the "good person", and the pebble is "the bad ones" or devil. In contrast, there seems no God in "Hills Like White Elephants".
Lastly, because "Clod &the pebble" is a poem, there is rhyme and alliteration in it. However, "Hills Like White Elephants" is a short story, so there is not any characteristics of poems in it.
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