I wish I had done something special-at least worth writing and reading. I tried to think of some good time during the 4 days; I think there should be some though.
I was wondering whether I should go to the night club on Wednesday with other ELI students, but I was also worrying that it would be dangerous to walk alone at night when I came back in the midnight. Then perfectly, God made a decision for me. As I was hesitating, I felt so sick and I took my temperature; it was 37.3-not too bad though. I knew it might be caused by the infection of the gum, as I still felt some chest pain, I was a bit worried; I hated fever. I tried to talk to my host family and I hoped I could get some help, like advice of hospitals-at least some warm words, but it seems that I was a thing, not a human being. They didn't actually pay any attention to how I felt. I remember that they said 39 is fever, and 37.3 is totally normal. Oh my god, I know how I feel better than any so-called scientific definition...
Until that moment I hadn't truly realized that I was on my own here, so far from home, from Japan, from anything familiar. Tears started to sting the backs of my eyes; not because of the fever or anything I have been physically suffering from, but because I was starting to feel lonely. I have been away from my family for six years already and I sometimes really wish I could still be a little child having more easy times.
I didn't want anyone there to notice my weakness; I used all the strength I had at that time to fight with my lips in order to lift a bright smile," Well, I think I am just too tired and maybe I will get better after a good sleep." I did smile and I was sure I didn't look sick when I was smiling, but I really wished I could be sleeping for ever.
Thinking of my little pet parakeet survived two winters without enough plumage to cover the tiny body, I know I should always recompose myself when I am not feeling well. I went out for a walk on Friday although I was not willing to. The green trees and sunshine can sometimes make me feel that there is hope. I loved to be warmed there, and everything seemed so nice again. I saw the most beautiful scenery- nine tiny baby ducks walking after an adult duck:) ; they swam in the lake and lay on the grass in the sun to dry themselves, and then they got too hot, so the baby ducks moved to the shadow of a small stone to feel cooler. I kept counting the little baby ducks when they are trying to move a long way to make sure they were with the adult duck. They were so lively.
Rainbows always come after the rain, so why not just wait until the rainbows show up? I walked a long way, and felt comfortable.
Xiaoyue, this post is fascinating partly because it's the opposite of your last one in terms of the progression of the mood. As you know, life has its ups and downs, and both should be reflected in our writing, but I think it's a very healthy thing to try to create a narrative that ends happily when one can. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comment. I think happy ends can make people feel better-even myself:)
ReplyDeleteI will try to think more positive things and do more things to enjoy life.
I like last sentense. Because I'm super optimist, I easily forget bad things. I always need something happy. you too, right?
ReplyDeleteEven though you came here alone, you are not alone any more because you are at the ELI!! You already have lots of friends here, so don't worry! :)
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